I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
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She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
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Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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