I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
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She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I currently don't understand fingers.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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