So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We left the knife in your bed.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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