I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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