Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize