I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
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She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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