We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
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Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This toilet bowl is my home.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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