Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize