We named our party play list daddy issues
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
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is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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