He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
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She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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