Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
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And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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