I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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