you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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