At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize