I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
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Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
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I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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