she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize