I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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