All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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