Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
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How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
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You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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