Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I AM VODKA MAN
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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