So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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