my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
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the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
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The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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