i permit you to call me
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
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you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
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I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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