I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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