all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
sarcasm needs its own font
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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