I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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