Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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