i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
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no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
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Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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