I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize