Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I seem to have left my pride at pride
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I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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