And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
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I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
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Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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