Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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