Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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