The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize