wrigley field is MILF paradise
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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