dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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