Please, let me fuck your mom
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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