I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
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I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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