I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think my moral compass just broke
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