Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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