VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
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She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
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He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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