The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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