youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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