Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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