4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
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he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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