no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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