whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
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Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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