So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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