Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize