Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize